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The ice storm of a week and a half ago turned out to be the most destructive weather event here in the last 30 years. I didn’t ever really have a moment where I felt endangered, but going through the motions of survival was probably good earthquake preparation. Being disconnected from the internet was a…
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Even now I still search for clarity. Where did I go so wrong? Where was the point at which I stepped from safety into all the danger. How might I have kept myself safe, how might I have survived all that. What didn’t I see, and still don’t see? What didn’t I understand then? Not…
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In order to get my graduate degrees in the program I had been admitted to and chosen, I had to take classes in my department. I had no reason upon enrolling to believe that this would be a problem. But it was. It was the kind of abuse which is very difficult to describe and…
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Autumn is usually when a deeper, bereft sadness and sense of uncertainty and out-of-jointness has tended to surface, it’s just the time of year when hard or stressful things have tended to accumulate over the years and leave a heavy residue. Usually I don’t get through it without buying a few school supplies (though I’ve…
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I recently attended an online conference that was enormous, but the online format at this time allowed for a much more paced digestion of the content and general exposure. The experience has been valuable in understanding more about the structure of the field and academia, the current questions and the work being done. Some of…
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Some injuries almost a decade ago forced me to reevaluate how I move in the world. It was a small miracle by an extraordinary surgeon and a lot of PT work that I’m able to walk again. Coming that close to losing my mobility and the access it allows compelled me to vow to use…
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I was living in Berlin, had been working steadily towards my dreams of finding my place in academia. I was exhausted between teaching at three different language schools in order to stay afloat, the stresses of applying to and preparing for grad school with no guidance, and the details of the everyday of negotiating life…
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What a time to be alive. For me covid days have meant looking longer and harder at things both outwards and inwards. The collective pause has brought a space to stand back into, to assess in ways one usually reserves for the change of year either annually or personally. When covid started, I was embarking…
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For better or worse (I think largely better) the covid-19 interval has spurred such a plentiful offering of online arts, cultural, and intellectual events. For someone like me who exists on some plane outside of large institutions but who holds interest and curiosity, and who is also in an active phase of attempted self-integration and…
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Why is and isn’t the right question to ask. Why there is abuse in the academy. The resources are few and competition is fierce. There is no incentive to collaborate. The path to recognition and reward is primarily independent research and production. The system is an indisputable hierarchy, built to support those at the top…