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Lucky
I’ve always liked St. Patrick’s Day as it coincides with the arrival of spring. Spring has come very early here this year, unseasonably so, and I’m finally starting to feel myself drawn out again to take it in. I haven’t gone to see if there are trilliums yet, but it was a lucky day a
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Mapping my way out
Many of these I’m already well familiar with and may even be internalized already to some extent and provided me some vaccination power, but the Epistemic Repair vein is a new one, and I enjoy Ahmed so much that I’ll probably review her or read one of her others I haven’t yet too. Also the
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Sad Screens
I’ve spent a lot of time on what happens when external structures don’t and can’t hold, and the realization that there was in fact no water in the swimming pool to begin with; only the illusion of it. Pseudo-water. I’d mentioned at different junctures how much I’d valued and come to rely on our shared
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Art with care
There’s a lot of art out there that avoids ethics entirely, and a lot of art and artists, like Ocean Vuong for example, who explicitly weave care into their creative process. Finding language for some ideas that have been simmering of late. 1. Raw material ≠ licenseInner intensity is material for art, not permission to
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Ethical Robustness
I’ve been thinking about both personal and organizational ethics, as I’ve encountered limitations of capacity of different theories and approaches as I disentangle them. After retroactively discovering deep ethical incompatibilities. I’ve learned it’s not enough to say I value integrity, and “acting spontaneously in the right” and for the other person to effectively agree. These
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Cutting ties/opting out
Written during the administrative aftermath of a forced exit. Preserved here as a record, not an active account. Finally I think I’ve tended the last bit of cleanup related to my forced exit from an org. I now know that I should not have had to ask; that my leaving should have automatically resulted in
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pseudo-consciousness
Part of my sorting out process has been about how I would think I was getting the messages I needed, both interpersonally and organizationally, but these conflicted with my embodied experience. I discovered a whole land of pseudo-everything, at so many levels. Navigating these is really tricky, as what is said actively and intentionally blocks
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The return of accountability
Last week, I found power in the naming, the telling, the presentation of power and accountability and responsibility to those it belonged to. In the best way I was able to. A small, actionable request that would meaningfully improve my safety. Sadly, they dropped it. The spiritual pablum that accompanied it, ick. I did go
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Chain Whip
(image: bicycle chain whip, which is used to fix bike chains) Finally, a really great bike day in awhile where my body felt back. My very best bike friend is moving for work, and I put together a farewell ride for him. 56 miles, 5000′ of climbing, and I’m so proud of my body for
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no-win
Now I’m at a point where I realize just how little control I was able to exert in this last relationship, every choice seemed to be about choosing the least bad option, rather than have a both/and positive outcome, which was not even realistically possible. It’s handy to get granular with it, if also pretty
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The Small Things
Most of my sporting endeavors involve endurance and taking a long view, and as I’m focused on the distance, sometimes the details of my surroundings or of a moment become a blur, or I ignore them. I’m not a terribly detail-oriented person, unless I’m in hyperfocus mode, like for my work. It’s not like ball
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Mutuality vs Asymmetry
Written during private processing. Preserved here as part of a personal archive, not a public essay. I’ve been thinking about mutuality, and querying the assertion that high asymmetry necessarily makes mutuality impossible even with safeguards. I’ve also been looking at what mutuality does and doesn’t look like inside of relationships with manageable asymmetries. While I